The Dos and Don’ts of New Relationships
We’re not going to sugarcoat it: A new relationship is all sorts of tricky. First, there’s the agonizing “What are we?” talk. Then the stresses of meeting his friends, dividing your time and — dare we say it? — uttering those three all-important words: “I love you.” So, we asked some of our favorite relationship experts to share their tips for navigating the first few months.
When it comes to new relationships, DON’T worry about labels.
“Unless you’ve introduced a label maker into your love life, ambiguity may still linger over where you and the man fall in the relationship caste system,” says Colleen Barrett, TresSugar associate editor. “So, if you’re not sure what title to bestow upon him, remove all awkwardness — and wordiness — and stick with his name. Because, and I mean it, This is Scott’ has never been misconstrued.”
DO reduce the stress of meeting the parents.
“Don’t wait for him to invite you to meet his parents. Take the bull by the horns and do it first!” says Larry Wilson, founder and CEO of oppositesconnect.com. His suggestion? Invite him to a well-populated family party, so you two won’t be the center of attention. “This way, after brief introductions are made, Mom and Dad will be busy entertaining, and you two won’t be the main focus of attention. Then when the four of you have a more intimate meeting, there will be a familiarity between you all that will make everyone more relaxed.”
DON’T move too fast when you’re in a new relationship.
“In a new relationship, it’s really easy to blow out too fast in the honeymoon’ phase and want to spend every waking second together,” says Meredith Fineman, founder of Fifty First (J)Dates. “It can be the end of a relationship if your partner feels that the mystery’ is gone. Whether it’s going out with friends or spending a couple nights alone, it’s important to retain your own space and time.”
DO learn to divide your time.
“The 50–30–20 rule is the division of your leisure time: No more than 50 percent with your significant other, 30 percent with friends and family and 20 percent me time,’” Says Wendy Atterberry, relationship advice columnist for dearwendy.com. Use the division to avoid burning out on the relationship, alienating your friends and losing your identity. “Plus, it’s good to keep your new guy wanting more. If things work out, you’ll have plenty of time in the future to spend together. And if they don’t work out? You’ll be glad your best buds have your back.”
DON’T use texting to discuss your relationship.
“Texting is great for checking in with a funny quip when you’re stuck at work or to touch base if you’re making plans for later, but if you need to discuss anything deeper than that, stick to phone calls or, better yet, face-to-face discussions,” says Atterberry. “If you can’t handle the hard stuff in person, you’re either with the wrong person or you aren’t ready for a serious relationship.”
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DO stay true to yourself.
“Be yourself and never compromise your values and opinions. This should go without saying…but must be said,” says Wilson. “Compromise is awesome, but if you start to give in on issues early on, it sets a bad precedent for future dealings.”
DON’T compare your new boyfriend with your ex.
“Internal comparisons are unavoidable. But unless you’re going to tell me how much better I am in bed than he is — and even this is risky — it’s better to observe the golden rule: Don’t talk about other guys until you’re super secure in your relationship,” says our own Glamour.com blogger John Ortved.
